she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize