she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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