I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
