It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
