i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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