I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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