walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
