Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
