my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
