Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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