if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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