I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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