No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
