and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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