his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
