Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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