My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
