and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
