question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
