I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
