you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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