Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
