I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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