We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.