Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway