i love accidental penises.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often