he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
