Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent