By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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