I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
