it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
