Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
