Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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