last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
