He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this is an emotional support booty call
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
