I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
