we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i will never coherently bang her
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER