i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?