So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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