sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
