Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drunk is a universal language darling
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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