apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
