The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Semen is not good for contacts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
pray to the hookup gods
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
