Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
