just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
