I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
