on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
