Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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