Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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