Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize