he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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