My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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