I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
