Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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