tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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