...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
