Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
