If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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