as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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