I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize