I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
