A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
