Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
