Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
