I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
