God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
